


love's a word i've always hated

by thereisnowarinbasingse



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst probably, BECAUSE THAT WAS POSSIBLE AND WE DONT THINK ABOUT IT ENOUGH, Ember Island (Avatar), Ember Island shenanigans, Episode: s03e10-11 The Day of Black Sun, Episode: s03e12 The Western Air Temple, Episode: s03e14-15 The Boiling Rock, Episode: s03e17 The Ember Island Players, Episode: s03e21 Sozin's Comet Part 4 Avatar Aang, F/M, Gen, Let Toph Say Fuck, Mai (Avatar)-Centric, Minor Sokka/Suki, Minor Violence, Post-Episode: s03e18-21 Sozin's Comet, i mean as they should, maiko, probably because this is season three atla everyone, tags will update as the fic does, the maiko fountain :), toph ships maiko, ty lee ships maiko, unless...?, what if.. mai and ty lee escaped tbr ?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27893995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thereisnowarinbasingse/pseuds/thereisnowarinbasingse
Summary: [ And in the end, when Mai unsheathes her shuriken, the blades slicing a pathway through the sulphuric air, she wonders if she’s making the right choice.In the end, Mai supposes, it’s not even a choice. ]mai and ty lee escape the boiling rock autitle from "sports", by beach bunny
Relationships: Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sokka/Suki (Avatar)
Comments: 45
Kudos: 175





	1. i know i won't be leaving here with you

**Author's Note:**

> i'm back on my bullshit everyone !! 
> 
> anyway i love maiko so here ya go
> 
> hope you enjoy

One day, Zuko is everywhere in Mai’s life. The next, he is gone, snatched away from her again- branded a traitor to his family and his nation.

The whole situation seems just a _little_ de ja vu, Mai notes sardonically. She supposes she should count herself lucky for being deemed important enough to get a letter this time round.

_Dear Mai_ , she reads, through hot, blinding tears, _I’m sorry you have to find out this way, but I’m leaving_.

The tears threaten to spill out of her eyes, and Mai wants to _scream_ , she really does, because only an absolute _idiot_ would go and do something like this-

Mai would never tell anyone this, but she spends countless nights after Zuko leaves furling and unfurling that very letter. Zuko’s lettering is messy, and the sheet of parchment itself is splattered messily with black ink, different characters hurriedly scratched out and replaced with others, reminding her of her the inexplicably stupid plays he used to write in their youth. Zuko used to scribble away with enthusiasm, sheets and scraps of cream-coloured paper strewn about him, his characters ending up blotched and disformed. The four of them used to act out the plays in the courtyard by the fountain, Azula always searching for a way to embarrass Zuko through some way or another as they attempted to decipher Zuko’s scrawl.

Mai can feel her heart in her throat, and she’s practically _choking_ on the very pulse that’s supposed to be keeping her alive-

She represses the _strong_ urge to rip up the letter, and instead discards it in one of her drawers. She collapses on the bed, and for all of her years of conditioning Mai is simply is not able to stop the tears from coming. Suffocating sobs encapsulate her body, and she shoves her face into a pillow, desperately trying to stifle her tears, and it hurts, so, so bad-

Mai doesn’t leave her room until the following night.

* * *

About a week after Zuko- no, after the eclipse, Mai is summoned to the palace by Azula. The girls never sit in the courtyard anymore- the place almost smothers them with memories, their minds filled with turtleducks and burning apples. Instead, Azula prefers to spend her time in one of the more formal, less-used meeting rooms- and this is where Mai finds her and Ty Lee upon arrival.

“Mai!” Ty Lee shrieks, bounding up to Mai and bundling her up in a hug. Her braid almost smacks Mai in the face and her arms are wrapped _far_ too tightly around Mai for her liking.

“Are you okay?” Ty Lee practically breathes, pulling away. Her facial expression exudes concern, and Mai _hates_ it, because being _not_ okay isn’t exactly an option-

“Fine,” she hisses, just as Azula reaches them.

“Hello Mai,” she says, glancing between them in suspicion, “how are you?”

To anyone else, this would seem like a perfectly normal question: a simple exchange of pleasantries between friends.

But Mai knows better than to trust Azula. Her face falls back into her practiced, expressionless demeanour just a fraction of a second too late- Mai’s off her game.

Azula stills, and then smirks.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed Zuko’s absence,” Azula sneers, her voice practically dripping with venom, “My brother has taken it upon himself to run off with the Avatar.” Azula lets out a small chuckle.

“Stupid decision, really. But we all know Zuzu isn’t exactly bright.”

Ty Lee gives a hesitant giggle, and Mai _pleads_ with herself, begging herself not to take the bait. She settles for slipping her arms into her sleeves and running her fingers along the blades sheathed in their holsters and imagines throwing them at Azula’s face.

On second thought, that’s probably bordering on treachery. Oops.

* * *

It’s funny, because as much as Mai despises the palace, she doesn’t really have anywhere else to go. Her parents are back from the Earth Kingdom after Omashu (Or New Ozai? Whatever.) fell during the eclipse.

Lovely.

Mai’s relationship with her parents has always been… complicated, to say the least. Her mother is forever worrying about what other people think, always so quick to make sure Mai is the picture of the perfect Fire Nation daughter to the outside world, and less quick in actually considering Mai’s feelings. Her father, on the other hand, seems to care more about power and social status than his actual family. The only family member Mai actually, genuinely, likes is Tom-Tom- but there’s only so much stimulating conversation someone can have with a two-year-old.

So, instead, Mai spends her time wandering aimlessly around the palace grounds. The palace itself, for all its grandeur, feels uninhabited. Almost every single room she steps foot into has a thick layer of dust coating each surface, making the decadent reds and golds pale under the light. One day, she steps into a familiar room.

_[ “Is he going to be okay?”_

_Iroh turns to see a small girl dressed in the customary red, black and gold of nobility, standing in the doorway._

_“Lady Mai,” he says, tone what he hopes to be reassuring, “Zuko will be fine.”_

_At this point, Zuko gives a small whimper. The boy has a fever, and the wound itself has such a high chance of being infected that the court doctor thinks it a miracle if he’s ever able to regain sight of hearing on his left-_

_Mai’s eyes dart in concern over to Zuko’s face, and she pales as she sees the large dressing covering his face._

_“Are you- are you sure?”_

_Iroh looks back at his dear nephew, curled up helplessly on the small bed, and back at Mai- Zuko’s friend. If Ozai were to realise that someone had been to visit the prince- Iroh shudders to think that the pain of another child will be on his hands._

_“You should go, Lady Mai,” he says instead.]_

Mai leaves that room as quickly as she came.

* * *

And as the days pass, the void in her chest Zuko left behind doesn’t show any signs of stitching itself back together.

Instead, for some _irritating_ reason, it gets more and more difficult to just function. Some days, she can’t go a step without being able to escape Zuko and his never-ending presence in her brain. Others, its like nothing ever happened in the first place.

And it’s so, _so_ stupid, because Mai knows she’s just hurting herself by thinking about it again and again, but she doesn’t know how to stop and Zuko was the only one who cared enough-

When they had come back from Ba Sing Se, Mai knew Zuko had changed. It would be idiotic to think he’d be the same, passionate, dorky little boy she had a stupid crush on when she was a kid. But the old Zuko still used to peek through this façade of plain aggression sometimes, in the way that he would smirk and raise his eyebrows when she’d quote _Love Amongst The Dragons_ , or the way that he had that stupid, childish grin on his face whenever they’d fed the turtleducks-

_[ “Zuko,” Mai sighs, “What on earth are you doing?”_

_Zuko turns around, limbs froze in place like a cat-deer caught in the headlights._

_“I’m,” Zuko stops to clear his throat, “I’m making tea.”_

_Mai catches sight of the steaming pot of water behind him, bubbling over the- stove? Lit by- what was it the Earth Kingdom called them- spark rocks?_

_“What kind?” she asks._

_“I- er, ginseng.” Mai rises an eyebrow._

_“It’s Uncle’s favourite.” Zuko adds quietly._

_Mai relaxes, her face taking on a gentle expression. She walks over to him, where Zuko is desperately avoiding her gaze._

_She turns him to face her, and, against her usual code of conduct, squeezes him in a tight hug._

_Mai doesn’t comment on how his shoulders shake.]_

He’d been the only one to care enough.

She wonders what Zuko is doing now.

* * *

And so, when Azula tells her that they’re going to the Boiling Rock, where Zuko has been captured, she packs up her knives and agrees.

It’s about a day’s ride away from the capital, but as Mai stares out into the wide expanse of clear blue, she can’t help but feel as if it’s been several.

She anticipates what awaits her at the Boiling Rock. What awaits all of them.

* * *

And in the end, when Mai unsheathes her shuriken, the blades slicing a pathway through the sulphuric air, she wonders if she’s making the right choice.

In the end, Mai supposes, it’s not even a choice.

* * *


	2. how could you love someone and leave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took longer to write than i anticipated
> 
> hope you enjoy !

“Who’s that?” Zuko hears Sokka say, the three of them peering out of the gondola.

The girl down on the platform turns her face to see them, but Zuko doesn’t need the confirmation of her identity- he’d know those dark, burgundy robes and that ever-so-familiar flash of steel anywhere.

“It’s Mai!”

Zuko can feel the others gaze on his face as they watch the scene unfold below them. They watch as Azula’s features contort in anger, her mouth practically spitting sparks with the venom in which she speaks. Mai, on the other hand, appears to be the picture of serenity, her curtain of a fringe obscuring her face as she stares Azula down.

They watch as the two girls slide into battle stances, and Zuko sees the tell-tale blue before he hears it, the heat crackling through the air, shooting towards Mai-

“No, no” he hears himself say in desperation, “no- we have to go back!”

The figure in pink- Ty Lee, Zuko realises- chi-blocks Azula, sending her to the floor, forcing the lightning away into the sky, the electric blue starkly out of place against the greyish expanse of sky. Ty Lee practically drags Mai away from the platform, onto the line, while Azula screams orders at the guards, and they’re heading straight to- to them.

Suki turns to Zuko in alarm, her face betraying her fear.

“What do-” Suki splutters, and then regains her confidence, “What do we do now? Do we wait for them?”

Zuko looks around the gondola, gauging everyone’s reactions. Suki and Sokka wear matching expressions of panic, Hakoda bewildered and Chit Sang- and Zuko’s being completely honest here- as if someone’s just clubbed him round the head. And the Warden- Mai’s uncle, he remembers, conversations in a dingy dark cell brought back to the surface- the Warden looks perfectly apathetic.

Runs in the family, he guesses.

They lock eyes, and while everyone else looks at them in confusion, the Warden inclines his head slightly as if to say, ‘ _your call- it’s your fault she’s in this position, after all’_.

“We’re waiting.”

* * *

Ty Lee and Mai slip through the window of the gondola, collapsing in a heap onto the floor. Mai’s dark robes are in tatters around her shoulder, red silk singed and her skin exposed, white and charred from the heat of Azula’s lightning. Ty Lee’s face is flushed red, her eyes filled with panic, and her breathing erratic. The both of them are shaking.

Zuko looks at the burn again. Azula did that. He wants to be sick.

* * *

Mai passes out into Zuko’s side by the time they reach the air ship docked near the shore, skin pale and clammy. Ty Lee is pacing up and down the length of the deck, tugging at the collar of her blouse. Everyone else- minus Zuko- regards the girls with some sort of thinly veiled fear, looking over at them in concern.

When Ty Lee finally speaks, her voice is shaky and quiet, and lacking the bubbly enthusiasm she seems to practically ooze most of the time.

“Did she- do you think she meant it?”, she says.

Zuko glances up in confusion from where he’s swiping off the hair stuck to Mai’s forehead with sweat.

“Mean what?”, he asks.

“She said,” Ty lee stops here, and starts again, her voice wobbling.” She said she wanted us to rot. She said she never wanted to see us again. Did she mean it?”

“Ty Lee- “

“No, no, she can’t have! We’re her best friends- she can’t- she _shouldn’t_ -” Ty Lee sounds almost hysterical now, and on the verge of tears.

“Ty- I think-”

“I don’t _care_ what you think! She can’t-”

“Ty Lee,” Zuko says, and he thinks he can hear her heart crumbling.

Ty Lee sinks to the floor of the deck and buries her face in her hands.

The rest of the group don’t comment.

* * *

It’s almost nightfall when they reach the Western Air Temple.

The place is like nothing Mai’s ever seen before. The temple itself is tucked underneath an expansive cliff side; buildings sprawled across the cliff face like reddish ivy invading a space. Various ledges boast antique murals detailing centuries worth of Air Nomad history, and decrepit stone effigies of Avatars and master airbenders past stand proud against the stark green of the overgrown vegetation overtaking the abandoned temple.

Of course, she’s sure she’d be able to appreciate the architecture better if she hadn’t a large and _rather_ painful burn blistered across her shoulder. She’d regained consciousness some time during the trip back from The Boiling Rock, finding herself a bit _too_ close to Zuko, but the time she’s spent out of it hadn’t done much to subdue the pain.

The group practically stumble out of the air ship, Sokka calling for Katara in urgency. She doesn’t know who Katara is.

At this point, Mai thinks she passes out. Again.

* * *

When she eventually comes to, the waterbender- Mai assumes this is the Katara Sokka was on about- is tending to her burn with a glowing ball of water. She narrows her eyes.

Mai reaches into her sleeves, looking for a blade- that apparently... isn’t there?

Huh. Strange. No bother, she’ll just get her waist-

Right, none there either.

At Mai grasping for her knives, the waterbender lets out a snort.

“We took them off you. We can’t trust you yet.” Then she mutters something about leaving it to Zuko to bring his psycho sister’s minions along like this is some sort of field trip. Mai opens her mouth to retort, but promptly passes out again.

* * *

“We can’t trust them! What don’t you understand!”

Great. The water tribe girl. What is she so _loud_ for?

“Look, they’re on our side now! You have to at least try!”

Is that Sokka?

“How? Tell me, Sokka, how am I supposed to trust those girls? They helped take down Ba Sing Se!”

Yeah, definitely Sokka.

“They’re not with Azula anymore! You heard Zuko, there’s no way they could have hidden that from Azula!”

“Because we should _definitely_ be trusting Zuko, of all people!”

Suddenly, Mai doesn’t want to be listening anymore.

With a groan, she turns onto her side, trying to stifle the water tribe siblings’ voices. Why are they arguing _so_ _loudly_?

“Sibling things, I guess.”

Did she say that out loud?

“Yeah. You did.”

Mai pries open her eyelids to see the earthbender lounging about next to her.

“What are you doing?” Mai sighs.

“Calm down, Stabby. Even the greatest earthbender in the world needs some downtime, and you just happen to be occupying my usual spot. Nothing personal.”

“Right. But also, Stabby? Couldn’t come up with anything more original?”

“It’s short and snappy. At least you took it better than Sparky – he started shouting at me. It was super funny.”

Sparky? Who- _oh._

* * *

Life at the Western Air Temple… is _interesting_ , to say the least.

There’s the group from the Boiling Rock- Hakoda, who seems like a relatively good warrior (and father, if Katara’s delighted exclamation was anything to go by), Suki, who Mai is pretty sure hates her because of the whole ‘you captured my entire group of warriors and put us in prison’ situation and Chit Sang, a regular Fire Nation civilian. There’s Sokka, who seems to have taken upon himself to try and make Mai laugh (and Mai would never admit that he’s actually pretty funny- she doesn’t want to give Sokka the satisfaction) and Katara too- another one of the group who seemingly hates her, but Mai begrudgingly thanks Agni for her healing skills anyway. The earthbender- Toph- is surprisingly entertaining, and Mai enjoys her company, even if she’s a bit boisterous and headache inducing. The Avatar himself – and Mai feels bad for only just realising this- is just _a kid_. A cheery, cheesy little kid who said her knives were cool and asked how many she had. Azula shot lightning at a kid, and that thought shakes Mai more than it probably should.

There’s three other boys too- a small kid with a stupid, overlarge helmet who insists everyone calls him “The Duke”, a boy in wheelchair and another earthbender (and Mai keeps catching the last two sending furtive looks Ty Lee’s way when they think Ty Lee isn’t looking.)

And then there’s Zuko. Right. That.

It’s a little awkward, but Mai makes do. In the day, she manages to avoid him- he’s too busy teaching the Avatar firebending anyway- instead passing the time by sparring with the some of the others and helping out with random chores. In the evening, there’s no avoiding him.

Zuko passes her some jook, and she avoids his eyes as she accepts it.

“Thanks, Katara! This looks great!” she hears Ty Lee exclaim from where Katara has handed her a serving of her own. She sees Katara offer Ty Lee a small smile in return.

Mai has always envied the way Ty Lee is able to make friends so easily. She’s had no trouble adjusting to how things work around here, flitting around in excitement, helping people around the camp. Mai’s always been more closed off, and she hasn’t really spoken to anyone other than Ty Lee and maybe Toph since she came here.

“You’ll get used to the suffocating team spirit after a while.” Toph had said.

Chit Sang clears his throat, and Mai is jerked out of her thoughts. He seems unassuming enough, keeping out of the way most of the time, but Mai wonders what he thinks of these stuffy Fire Nation nobles running around with the Avatar. What was he even in prison for anyway?

“Thank you, Prince Zuko,” he says, bowl of jook in his hands.

Mai watches as Zuko stiffens, his back ramrod straight.

“Just Zuko is fine. Not- not much of a prince anymore.”

“You may technically be a traitor, but you’re still part of the royal family. Supposed to show you respect. Mark of honour, and all that. Why did you decide to turn against your nation anyway? Cushy palanquin rides not enough for you? Thought you’d rough it up with a ragtag group of kids instead?”

Mai can practically see the anger bubbling up in Zuko as he narrows his eyes. He looks up in irritation and makes eye contact with Mai by accident instead.

_[Mai glances up from where she’s been inspecting her nails, hearing the footsteps of various different generals and other high-ranking officers. She finds Zuko nearer the back of the crowd._

_“So, how’d it go?” she asks, joining him as they walk down one of the palace’s halls._

_“When I got to the meeting, everyone welcomed me. My father had saved me a seat. He wanted me next to him. I was literally at his right hand.”_

_Mai smiles._ _“Zuko, that's wonderful! You must be happy!”_

_She glances up towards his face. His hair is tied back up into the traditional top knot befitting a prince, and his face is angled upwards slightly. They’ve stopped right in front of the portrait of Fire Lord Ozai, and Zuko gazes up at his father’s massive face, emotionless, the Fire Lord’s painted hands bearing plumes of fire._

_“During the meeting, I was the perfect prince. The son my father wanted.” Zuko looks down. “But I wasn't me.”_

_Mai’s smile falls. “What- what do you mean? You’ve trained for this. You wanted this!”_

_“I don’t want this. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted this.”_ ]

“Leave it alone,” she manages through gritted teeth, watching Zuko’s retreating back as he storms away in silence. Chit Sang quickly shuts up.

* * *

After that, the others seem wary of the two of them. Wary of something that Mai refuses to acknowledge. Because, you know, there’s nothing there.

Of course, ignoring Zuko would be much, much easier if he’d been of the same opinion.

“What in Agni’s name is wrong with you?”, he says one night, grabbing her shoulder and spinning her around to face him as she attempts to make her way back to the small room she’d been allocated.

“What?” Mai deadpans.

“What is this? I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be, _I know_ , and I’m _sorry,_ but this? This is ridiculous!” He exclaims.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Does this _hurt_?” she replies, cocking head towards the side.

“What- Mai, of course it hurts! You don’t- don’t shut me out! _Please!_ ”

“What do you suggest I do instead? You broke my heart and all you can say is sorry? Just- just leave me alone!”

“Mai-”

“No- you don’t get to-” And Mai _hates_ how her mask of indifference is breaking, and how it only ever seems to break for _Zuko_ , but she can’t keep it together.

“You don’t get to say anything! Just- just shut up! I don’t want your apology! It hurt, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?” The mask crumbles completely at this point, and her eyes are stinging with tears. “It hurt that you were able to just leave me like that! Leave me like- leave me like you’ve left me before! I- I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.”

Mai wrenches herself away from Zuko, where he’s still grasping her shoulder, but to no avail. He wraps his arms tightly around her, and Mai can’t help but sink into it, because she’s just _so tired_. So tired of pretending she’s okay when she’s not.

“I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry. I never wanted- I never wanted to leave you. You were the only reason I’d ever want to stay.” He whispers in her ear.

“I- I’m still not talking to you, you know, you jerk.” She mutters weakly against his ear. Zuko gives a watery chuckle in response.

Things are better after that.

* * *

It was probably inevitable, but Azula shows up.

Mai is forced awake by Suki, the temple trembling from the force of the bombs assailing the structure.

“Azula,” Suki tells her darkly.

“Someone get me my shuriken!” Mai yells. Toph metalbends (again, Mai is a _little_ confused how a twelve-year-old managed to invent a whole new substyle of bending) them her way, and Mai hurries to strap them into their empty holsters.

“Oi, Stabby! Fight now, play dress up later!” Toph calls, and Mai sighs.

“Couldn’t Azula have picked another time to show up? Preferably not at some ungodly time in the morning?”

“Look, not my fault Lightning Psycho doesn’t know how to take a break. Now hurry up.”

* * *

Zuko fights to protect his new friends. Mai fights to protect Zuko.

They get blasted off the airship at some point, and as Azula uses her hair pin to catch her fall, Mai, Zuko and Ty Lee are caught in the flying bison’s saddle.

Mai brushes off some dust on her shoulder, sitting up straight. “Well, that was fun.”

“Your psycho ex- best friend just tried to burn all of us to a crisp! How could that possibly constitute as fun?”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya!
> 
> i was having such a hard time writing this chapter and then for some reason i listened to SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK by joji four times in a row and wrote the rest of it? yeah, not sure how that works either. this week was pretty stressful for me, and i'm not actually sure how i feel about this chapter either- it just wasn't flowing properly until it was? it's hard to explain. and hopefully i'll update some time next week- school ends on wednesday, and i'm so ready for the holidays. school is literally so exhausting i physically CANNOT anymore. hope you lot like this chapter though :) comments and kudos absolutely make my day- last week (and my best friend can vouch for this) i was SO happy that people actually read and enjoy this shit
> 
> chapter title from yet another beach bunny song, promises :))))))


	3. oh i tend to keep my heart locked water-tight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter bitches
> 
> hope you enjoy!!

If someone had told Mai six months ago that she’d be in the Fire Lord’s beach house on Ember Island with the Avatar and his friends, she might have actually laughed in their face.

Probably would’ve chucked a few knives at them too. For good measure.

But lo and behold, here she is, sat on the steps leading to the central courtyard in the Fire Lord’s beach house, the Avatar currently in the middle of performing a stream of firebending katas.

It’s all rather ironic.

Mai’s always enjoyed visiting Ember Island, as indifferent towards it as she may pretend to be. When she was younger, when she was still an only child and was still foolish enough to believe people actually _cared_ , Mai’s family used to come to the small vacation island every once in a while. For her parents, it was another way to mix with other Fire Nation nobles; for Mai, it was a slightly less stifling atmosphere, where knife throwing could be practiced any time of the day and she was permitted to roam the beach their vacation house overlooked.

Whatever. It was fun at the time.

The house itself feels… _different_. Different to her house in the Caldera, and different to Omashu. Different to the palace, with its exuberant rooms and multiple suites. This place feels more lived in, almost, which is completely ludicrous- Zuko had said that they hadn’t visited the place since their family “was actually happy”.

In Mai’s opinion, that would probably be never, but whatever Zuko says.

But watching Zuko and Aang practice, talking with Toph and Katara, letting herself relax a little? It feels… surprisingly good. Mai lets herself smile.

“Is Mai _smiling_?” she hears Sokka exclaim.

She scowls. Way to ruin the moment.

* * *

“Sokka, do you really think it’s a good idea for us to attend a play about ourselves?” Katara asks.

Sokka jostles the poster in enthusiasm, thrusting it into Katara’s face. “Come on, a day at the theatre? This is the kind of wacky time-wasting nonsense I’ve been missing!”

* * *

It is definitely _not_ a good idea.

Mai catches sight of Zuko walking a little way ahead of the rest of the group, shoulders hunched over as he stalks away.

“What’s up with him?” she hears Suki whisper. Mai glances back toward the others and sighs.

“I’ll talk to him.”

* * *

“Hey.”

Zuko gives a noncommittal hum in response from where he’s unfastening his cloak.

“Are you alright?” she asks. If she’s going to do this emotional bullshit, she might as well be blunt about it.

Zuko turns to look at her. He’s got an emotion she can’t quite place on his face.

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine?” Zuko says, looking anywhere but her face.

Mai rolls her eyes. “Look, I’m not _stupid_. Are you sure you’re alright?”

Zuko opens his mouth, and then shuts it again. He sighs, and moves to shut the door. Mai raises an eyebrow.

“Well?”

“I just- watching all the mistakes I’ve made being thrown back into my face really sucked! And those people? The audience? They _cheered_! They cheered when I died!”

Mai recoils at the sudden outburst.

Zuko’s face takes on a more sheepish expression. “Sorry.”

Mai shakes her head in dissent. “It’s fine. It must have hurt to see people actively applauding your figurative demise.” She pauses. “But you shouldn’t take it to heart.”

Zuko looks at her in confusion. “Not to heart? What, because watching people who’re supposed to be in support of me cheering on my failure _isn’t_ anything personal?”

Mai feels like her eyes might roll out of her head with the number of times she’s rolled them in the conversation alone. “Not like that, you idiot. You know you’re doing the right thing, and that’s what matters in the end. You don’t owe any of them anything.”

“But-but I don’t even know what I’m doing half the time! Uncle-”

“Uncle would be proud of you. I know that.” She says, cutting him off.

Zuko’s staring at her again with that weird expression. She matches his gaze unflinchingly, looking into his golden eyes, pools of honey glittering in the last dregs of sunlight streaming through the window. But she’s not here to wax poetic about Zuko’s eyes- that would be stupid and pointless.

The quiet is suffocating, and Mai want to say something, _anything_ , but she’s frozen in place-

“We’re- we’re ok, right? Me and you? Friends?” Zuko asks, shattering the silence.

Mai exhales softly. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re ok. Friends.”

* * *

“- and then he had to get Gran-Gran to get the fishhooks out anyway!” Katara finishes, her face red from laughter.

“What kind of idiot sticks two fishhooks in his thumb?” Mai sighs. Katara grins at her- they’d resolved their issues soon after she’d gone with Zuko to face Yon Rha, and now Mai had to begrudgingly admit that she was pretty good company.

“Sokka, apparently.” Mai glances up at Zuko over her cup of tea, the steam rising obscuring his face. He’s smirking, his eyes glinting with mischief much like they used to when they were younger. He catches her eye, and Mai gives him a small smile. Zuko’s eyes widen slightly, and he returns it- though his smile is a little wider and reaches his eyes.

Katara asks if anyone else has any stories to share. Ty Lee glances between Mai and Zuko, and smirks.

“Actually- I have one!” she exclaims, sitting up straight. Mai gives her a look of confusion.

“When we were younger,” she says, gesturing towards Mai and Zuko, “we used to play in the palace courtyard together. Once, Zuko’s mom forced him to join us-”

_Oh_.

“For Agni’s sake, Ty Lee-”

“ _Why_ do you feel you have to bring this up so much-”

“It’s not even that _funny-_ ”

Mai and Zuko glance at each other, irritation and a touch of embarrassment painting their features.

Suki looks between them. “Okay, so now I’m intrigued.”

* * *

“-so Zuko decides the best course of action is to basically _tackle_ Mai into the fountain-”

Mai can hear Toph sniggering from here. And Mai can feel herself slowly going red. Zuko is rubbing the back of his neck, looking up at nothing in particular.

Oh, Agni. This is so _embarrassing_.

* * *

“We’re going shopping!”

Mai glances up at Katara, who’s currently standing with her hands on her hips and cloth bags fisted in her grasp.

“What?” she hears Toph ask.

“You heard me! We’re going shopping- we’re out of practically everything and this house has literally nothing in it!” Katara makes her way over to Toph, ready to haul her up. Toph looks over at Mai, what Mai assumes is supposed to be a pity-inducing expression on her face. Its at these moments where Mai is reminded that Toph is blind.

She sighs. “I’ll go.” 

“Wait, really! That worked?”

“No, _you_ looked like a constipated hog-monkey. It’s just that, no offense, that you don’t exactly look like you’re from here.”

“What’s that supposed to mean!” Katara exclaims.

“Literally nothing. Just that fire nation citizens don’t usually have blue eyes.” Katara flushes.

“Right, you go. Take Ty Lee with you.” Mai hears Ty Lee let out a squeal of excitement.

“I can come too,” Zuko says, pulling his tunic over his head.

“Yay! It’ll be just like old times again!” Ty Lee shrieks. Mai raises her eyebrows.

* * *

Ember Island Market is filled to the brim with people, the square bustling with life. Tiny stalls line the parameter of the market, selling Fire Nation street food and souvenirs. The larger fruit and veg stalls are concentrated in one corner of the market, and Mai can hear the bellowing of salesmen yelling enthusiastically about fresh tomato-carrots. Old women peer out of the windows of the houses surrounding the square, hanging their washing on lines suspended above the plethora of stalls, and small paper lanterns are strung above, illuminating the market. A kid jostles past Mai, running after some sort of animal, shouting his apologies as he runs past.

“Right, so that was the last of the supplies,” Zuko states with a sigh of relief, turning away from the vendor they just haggled a substantial amount of fruit from. “Anything else you think we should buy?”

Ty Lee brightens and points toward one of the street-food stands. “We should buy some food! Get the others to try some Fire Nation cuisine!”

Mai nods. “Hey, that’s not a bad idea.” Ty Lee grins, and cartwheels toward the vendor. Zuko looks over at her in confusion.

“How does she have so much energy?” she hears him ask. Mai lets herself laugh a little. “You’ll get used to it. Come on, let’s go.”

They reach the stand, where Ty Lee is currently poring over the selection of dishes. “We should get extra spicy fire noodles! Do you think Aang will like dumplings! Maybe mochi?”

“Slow down, Ty Lee,” Zuko says, looking over at where the menu is pinned. “Dumplings sound fine. Extra spicy fire noodles are okay too. We can get one more thing.” He nods at the old woman manning the stall, and she begins to heap a small brown container with food, passing it to Ty Lee once it can barely close from the amount of noodles stuffed inside.

“Let me take this back to the others! You guys pick something else and pay, ‘kay?” Ty Lee runs off before either of them can answer.

“Right,” Mai says dazedly.

“Hey, they have fruit tart,” Zuko says. “Your favourite!” Mai swivels to look at him in bewilderment. “How’d you know that?” she asks

Zuko splutters and scratches the back of his head. “I- well- I mean- I just-” Mai raises an eyebrow.

“I just remembered.” He finishes sheepishly, and Mai feels the ends of her mouth curves upwards unwillingly.

“Look, just buy the fruit tart for your girlfriend and go. I have customers.” Mai and Zuko turn to look at the vendor in incredulity, who’s currently gesturing to the increasing line of people.

“She’s _not_ my girlfriend!” Zuko is completely red now.

The vendor rolls her eyes. “Sure, sweetie.” She hands him the fruit tart. “Now leave.”

* * *

“ _Spicy_! Tui and La, this is spicy! Someone pass me the water! How do the Fire Nation eat this _willingly_!”

Sokka is eating a dumpling. Mai dreads to think what he would think of the extra spicy fire noodles.

* * *

“Hey Mai- How many knives have you got?”

Mai looks up from where she’s sharpening her knives. Mealtimes with the Avatar are always an interesting affair, where they ask questions about their different cultures and reminisce on old times. But Mai hasn’t had the focus on herself before, and she’s caught off guard.

“Oh. 62. 62 on me right now.” The group is looking at her in shock.

“What the _fuck?_ ” Toph exclaims.

“Toph, _language_. But also- what? _How_?”

Mai sighs, pulling back her sleeves to unsheathe her blades.

“6 compartments here, on either forearm. 2 shuriken on either arm too.” She takes them out, and places them on the ground beside her. “8 in either boot for reloading.” She slips these out, and slips her hand in the smaller crevice hidden beneath her overshirt. “4 on either leg. Three on either hip.” Mia then slips her hand in the layers of her cloth belt. “8 on a knife belt.” She reaches into her buns, sending her hair cascading down her shoulders. “Three sharp pins in one bun. Two in each of the smaller ones.” Mai reaches under her layers of clothing to pull out one final blade on her chest. “There. Happy?”

Everyone is rather preoccupied with looking at the large assortment of knives and weaponry piled next to her.

Suki’s eyes are wide. “I am still _beyond_ confused.”

* * *

Mai can’t sleep. _Probably_ because she’s stuck sleeping in Azula’s old room.

She sighs and looks out of the window onto the horizon. The sun is peeking up over the water, casting the world in an orangey shadow.

Ugh. Mai hates the colour orange.

She pulls herself out of bed, smoothing out the wrinkles of the loose red vest she’d found in the wardrobe that she’s wearing. Upon reaching the kitchen, Mai spots a figure in red sitting at the table, eating. Zuko.

“Hey,” she says softly. Zuko starts, and turns around.

“Oh. Hello Mai.”

He relaxes, and gestures towards the empty seat opposite. Selecting a moon peach, she sits down and begins to cut it into slices.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Mai nods.

“Yeah. Me too.” There’s a silence following this statement. Mai doesn’t know what to say. Luckily, Zuko speaks for her.

“It’s weird being back here, you know. I hadn’t imagined I’d ever be back here. And being back here once I’ve realised everything wrong with my family is just… I don’t think we were ever normal. And as much as I know they’re wrong, as hard as I try to hate them, I can’t. There’s just- there’s just too many memories. They’re my family.”

Mai hums. “I get it.” Zuko raises an eyebrow.

“I hated spending time with Azula. But I had no other option. And as much as she did me and Ty Lee wrong, she’s still done so much for us. We’ve still had fun- in our own, strangely violent ways. And now she hates us, but I can’t find it in myself to hate her as much back. I just feel sorry for her.”

* * *

“Look who it is! The love birds eating breakfast together! How cute!”

“He’s _not_ my boyfriend!”

* * *

“How many times have you sharpened your knives in the past three days alone, Stabby?”

Mai scowls. “Toph. What do you want?”

“Nothing! Just wanted to spend some time with my favourite knife thrower!”

“I’m the only knife thrower you know.” Mai says flatly.

Toph scoffs. “How can you be so sure? You never know, I could have met another gloomy girl who enjoys stabbing people in her free time!”

“I don’t actually stab them. I just pin them to the ground and other surfaces. Blood gets my knives dirty. And its unhygienic.”

“Yeah, yeah, same thing. Anyway, what’s up with you and Zuko?” Mai stiffens.

“Nothing. We’re just friends.”

“Friends? Last time I checked, _friends_ don’t have their heartbeats race at the mention of one another. Friends _also_ don’t look at each other like-”

“Toph.”

“I’m just saying!”

“It’s _nothing_. Trust me.”

They sit in silence for a little bit. Then Toph punches her out of nowhere.

“What was that for! I didn’t even do anything!”

“It’s how I show affection!” Toph says enthusiastically. “And for what it’s worth, Zuko cares about you a lot. Even if you are just friends.”

Mai chooses to not deem this with a response.

* * *

Mai does not like the beach. The sand gets absolutely everywhere- in your clothes, your hair- and the water is salty, sticky and uncomfortable once it dries on your skin.

So the fact that she’s sat here, on a sandy dune overlooking the shore as Aang and the others enjoy themselves, is a little out of the ordinary.

Mai swivels, hearing the soft footsteps of someone approaching her. Its Zuko. Of course.

“Hi.” Mai motions for him to sit next to her, patting the spot beside her as they watch the sunset. Zuko settles down, laying back supported by his elbows.

“How do you do it?” he whispers.

“How do I do _what_?”

“Pretend you’re fine.”

“ _Zuko_. I’m not pretending.” That’s a lie. Zuko doesn’t need to know that.

“Yes, you are. You might have the others fooled, but I know you. You’re not okay, Mai.”

“What- and you are? Are any of us, really? Child soldiers fighting a war?”

“No. Don’t think so. But there’s not really a choice, is there?”

* * *

“Sozin’s comet is coming. In a few days.”

“Yeah.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Well- fight Azula, probably. Find Uncle. Maybe.”

Mai is quiet. When she speaks, her voice is soft.

“Promise me you’ll be fine?”

Zuko looks at her. “I promise.”

* * *

The war is won.

It feels weird to say it aloud, think it even. This never-ending, pointless war is finally over. It’s over, it’s over, _it’s over_ -

It crazy how blind Mai was to everything the Fire Nation did, she thinks to herself, looking out over the railing of the airship onto to the smouldering remains of the Earth Kingdom. All her life, she had been _so_ sure the Fire Nation was in the right, helping the other nations primitive technology, advancing the world together. The familiar flow of news filtered through servant connections with relatives on the front or political dinner parties she secretly listened into, quiet as a mouse, crouched behind the thick velvet curtains in the dining room had certainly made it seem that way.

“What are you thinking about?” Mai turns to see Ty Lee approaching her. There are cuts grazing her arms and face, dressed hastily in off white bandages they’d found in the ships hold. Mai shuffles to make space for her on the railing, and Ty Lee rests her arms on the metal, wind whipping her braid.

“The war.”

Ty Lee gives a hum. “Yeah. Didn’t really expect to be in this position. This time last year I’d run off to join the circus. I thought I was set for life.” Ty Lee gives an uncharacteristically bitter chuckle. “I was wrong. Obviously.” Mai can see Ty Lee glance at her through her peripheral vision.

“You know, he’ll be okay. I’m sure of it.”

Mai keeps her gaze focused resolutely directed forward. She doesn’t need to ask to know who Ty Lee is on about.

* * *

He’s not okay.

The group stumble out of the airship. Aang’s robes are tattered, and he practically collapses in exhaustion upon meeting the ground. She notices Azula, chained to a grate, sobbing and spitting fire. But her eyes are searching, searching _only_ for him-

She sees him, arms splayed as Katara bends water over his- oh, _Agni_ \- his _wound-_

She storms over to him.

“Oh,” Zuko says faintly. “Hi Mai.”

Katara starts, and looks up at her, expression questioning. Mai gives the briefest of nods, and Katara jumps up, running towards Aang and Sokka.

“What- what _happened_? You- _you idiot_! You said- no, _promised_ \- that you were going to be fine-”

“Mai-”

“Don’t tell me it was lightning! Oh, _Agni_ , it was lightning, wasn’t it? You absolute _idiot_!”

“Mai-I’m fine.”

Mai takes one look at him and the large, charred burn in the centre of his chest. “You are _not_ fine!” She sits down beside him on the steps he’s currently leaning on, head in her hands. “You are one of the most stupid people I’ve met in my entire life.”

“Look, it’s not even that bad!”

Mai silences him with one of her withering glares. “Not that _bad_? Are you even looking at it?”

Zuko’s voice is quiet. “Mai, why do you care- _why_ do you care so much?”

“I’m your friend! Of course I care! That’s the whole point of being friends with someone, isn’t it?” And if Mai’s heart twinges a little at the word ‘friends’, that’s nobody’s business but hers.

* * *

The courtyard is the same. The same smooth, marble fountain she’d fallen into as a child, the same pond of swimming turtleducks, the same large, aged tree casting a shadow across the majority of the garden.

“Hey.”

Looking up, Mai sees Zuko, decked out in full Fire Lord regalia. “Hi, Zuko. Or am I supposed to call you Fire Lord Zuko now?”

Zuko sits beside her on the ledge of the fountain. “Just Zuko is fine.” He says, chuckling. Zuko winces, clutching at his chest. Mai grabs a hold of his arm to prevent him falling back into the fountain.

“Are you ok?” she asks, voice laced with concern. Zuko nods.

Mai takes a breath. “You know, I was really afraid when you- when Azula struck you with lightning.”

“I know.” Zuko is looking at her with that weird expression. Again. Then, slowly, he leans in and presses his lips to hers, pulling away after a second, eyes wide.

“I’m sorry, are you-” And Mai has had up to _here_ with his stupid assumptions - so she cups his cheek with her palm, and pulls him in, silencing him with a kiss.

* * *

“So does this mean you don’t hate me anymore?” he whispers against her lips.

“I think it means I actually kind of like you.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOOD EVENING MAIKO NATION
> 
> did i have the entire christmas holidays to write this? yes. did i write this non stop for the last two days? also yes. i just wanted to get it up before the end of this year, so here you go!! it has been a while since i updated, but i was super unmotivated and couldn't be asked to write anything till 4 pm yesterday. for some reason i just listened to mitski on repeat for a couple hours and i vomited this out. 
> 
> i was first originally spurred on to write this fic because of the fact that there is a quite frankly CRIMINAL shortage of mai and ty lee escaping tbr fics out there, and maiko content IN GENERAL. and then this happened. thank you all so, so, SO unimaginably much for actually bothering to read this- whether you hit the kudos button or left a lovely comment, i want you all to know that you've made my last couple of weeks. love you all and please stick around for more maiko and the other bullshit i look forward to writing- i'm definitely not done!! and wishing you merry christmas to any of you who celebrate and a very happy new year to all! lets hope 2021 is less shitty! <3
> 
> chapter title is once again from the wonderful band beach bunny, from their song dream boy :)

**Author's Note:**

> hello!
> 
> I actually started writing this almost immediately after posting my sad yukka fic, but then life got in the way and i literally COULD NOT type more than a sentence at a time. i had a couple of exams to study for (praying that they go well because i'm fairly certain they're going to start basing my predicted grades on them) and also had a shit ton of art homework to do. so, sorry?  
> i was originally going to make this a one-shot but i thought a short multi-chap would be more interesting- so here we are. update schedule will probably be whenever i feel like it so yeah. as always, comments absolutely make my day and any sort of feedback is appreciated! 
> 
> chapter title from "take me out", by franz ferdinand
> 
> anyways, stan beach bunny. their music makes me really fucking happy


End file.
